Posted by Heather on January 11, 2013 at 1:45 PM
This post is just going to be a mish mosh.
We've been in the states for about a year and it's been crazy with ups and downs. *sigh*
First things first I am going to make a list of what I want. Just me, just Heather.
- A home that is peaceful, settled and out of the crossfire
- this will include rooms that feel open, and can handle our furniture
- a kitchen that is functional and makes it easy to do my cooking and storage
- not condusive to clutter
- space for my hobby room
- it should feel like a refuge
- I want to use our furniture, finally. So nice size rooms
- something I can make into MINE. I want to grow roots.
- A yard that can be an oasis
- this will include safe fencing and room for the dogs
- space for a garage/shed
- garden space
- possibility to have a small coop
- room for children to play
- must feel private
- Access to my horse(s)
- a barn that is functional
- clean space
- the ability to ride 'out' (arena, ring, trails)
- attend shows
- joy instead of anguish
- To discover more of myself
- time spent pursuing hobbies like maybe writing and painting more. Sculpting.
- turn some of my abilities into money
- seriously pursue fitness and health
- Find PEACE
- settle down and relax. A home I love will be a big part of this.
- let go of more things, hang onto what's important
- dream more, be more positive
- Stop giving in to anxiety
So, I think I have a starting point. This whole time I haven't been able to settle for real. It's been momentary at best an then turns back into an up and down. I need concrete plans. I can't stand not knowing what we're doing. I had too many years of that and too many times since we've been home where that happened. It crushes me to get my hopes up, to plan to be excited and then have it all dashed. I have turned into a more pessimistic person and have lost a lot of joy. I can't keep that up.
I need to be able to settle in somewhere, find my peace and begin the rest of my life. I'm tired of anxiety. I'm sure there's more that belongs on that list, but it's a beginning and something for me to work on and look at. I'm ready to move on, and limbo isn't suiting me.