Me & my horses.

- the trails of my life

Heather's Blog


Posted by Heather on February 11, 2013 at 2:50 PM

I'm seriously considering giving up. If I do that, will I lose myself? 

If I sell my horse and all my tack/equipment I can probably gather around 7k. This will be great as far as helping with our debt and horse related financial obligations. I thought it would be fine to use my savings to pay board ... but there is no solution for my horse dilemma. There is no way to pursue my dreams realistically. I guess, it's just time to give it all up. Fifteen years of trying. 

I'm distressed that we cannot move out of this house. This house I didn't want. I never wanted to come back to the same trailer park where it all started. I wanted to get OUT of here. I have made a big circle of wasted time. 

What will be left? I had dreams. Now, I don't have anything. This entire blog basically was for nothing. It was an expression of the evil power of hope. Lifted and dashed repeatedly. How did I think it would be different coming back to the Button family? It's always been that way.

I will probably just resign myself to dissolving away and whatever is left will be given to others. I'll just be a wife and mother with a hole where her youth used to be. 

I'm the queen of the trailer park. hooray.

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